Where is My Dark Lord?
by Goddess of Grammar
Summary: Unnamed person is looking for the Dark Lord. Humour hopefully ensues as heshe meets just about everyone else in the series. A poem with lots of quotes. Please review. And I know I spelt teaspoon wrong, it was a typo I missed while proofreading.


Those of you that read Terry Pratchett should recognise this format as the "Where is my Cow?" picture book in his latest novel, Thud! If you have read that, it will seem funnier, but I guess you can understand it either way.

The quotes are taken from both films and books. I also added some sentiments that are not actually direct quotes at all.

Reviews appreciated.

* * *

_Dedicated to the person who would be my best friend if I had one._

**Disclaimer: I own neither Terry Pratchett's Thud!, nor any Harry Potter characters.**

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "...emotional range of a tespoon."

It is a Hermione.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Use your inner eye to see the future!"

It is a Trelawney.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Beware the Crumple-horned-snorkaks!"

It is a Luna.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Bloody hell!"

It is a Ron.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Must...be...hero..."

It is a Harry.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "People always give me socks."

It is a Dumbledore.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Squawwwwwk!"

It is a Fawkes.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Mudblood."

It is a Junior Malfoy.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "What exactly is the function of a rubber duck? "

It is a Weasley Senior.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Where might I find a Bezoar? "

It is a Snape.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Time is Galleons! "

It is a Weasley Twin.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "I'm not wearing that, it's ghastly! "

It is a Ginny.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Go take a bath. "

It is a Cedric.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "I am His closest friend! "

It is a Bellatrix.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "_muttermuttermumblemumble_ "

It is a Kreacher.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "I'm bored."

It is a Sirius.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "There will be no need to talk. "

It is an Umbridge.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "There is nothing worse than death. "

It _is _my Dark Lord.

I have found my Dark Lord!

* * *

I don't know if this is allowed, but I'll write it anyway. 

A little bonus for a certain person who may never read this. In fact, I think only about 4 people in the world will understand the next verses, so skip them and go review if you do not know me in real life.

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "If you _were._ "

It is a Goddess.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "I need to take a trip."

It is a Shiny Girl.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Oh, come on."

It is a Saint.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Dahling. "

It is an Anorexic Chocaholic.

That is not my Dark Lord.

-

Where is my Dark Lord?

Is that my Dark Lord?

It goes "Hermione-clone! Weber-clone!"

It _is _my Dark Lord.

I have found my Dark Lord!

Just joking. Although you do act like it sometimes, Your Majesty.


End file.
